Shut up and keep the peace

 How far would you go to protect the peace? 

The trauma roots are so well deepen, I dont make sense at all. Im thinking i would better hurt myself than disturb the peace. 

OH. MY. GOD.

Im bullying myself. Its the Tisha thats bullying the little one. It all makes sense now. 

Yes. We are both here. This is it. This is the final battle. 

Tisha is exactly like dad. She is the one who took his pattern and is silencing the small one. 

She is the one I thought is strong, but now i realize its not like that. Im panicking. PANIC.

Oh my God. 

Was i sabotaging myself all this time? My hands are trembling. FUCK!

She is the one saying Shut Up and ont do it! Better to stay silent and in your place, i can hear her saying stuff, she is like threatening me. She will make me hurt myself just so i shut up and close myself again. 

DO NOT START A CONFLICT OR YOU WILL GET HURT. You know physical pain, dont you? REMEMBER!

FUCK YOU, TISHA!

I built you so you can fucking protect me, not silence me. You were supposed to keep me safe, what the fuck are you doing? Ok, first step is reality.

Fuck you, coping mechanism! Thats what you are. You are NOT me. You're a fucking coping mechanism. 

You say: Hurt yourself so you can be protected from emotional pain? Hurt yourself to avoid conflict? urt yourself so you dont hurt others?

Fuck you. 

This isn't over.